Tuesday, February 16, 2010

discouragement and random questions...

Today I have been discouraged.  I try not to regret things in life.  I know there is a reason for everything and I know that God has a plan.  There are just times when I have to stop and wonder if I had tried a little harder or pushed a little further ... how would that have changed things?  When I sit back and look at the big picture, I realize these things I'm striving for are not really worth all of my stress.  Jobs and titles are definitely not everything.  I know that.  Money and status doesn't bring a person happiness.  So true.  I realize that I still have time to do the things I want to do and if I don't accomplish all I set out in my mind, it's not the end of the world.  It's just that the fast approaching big 3-0 is upon me, and it scares the hell out of me!  No kidding! 

Thirty just seems like this place where I was supposed to have accomplished so much.  I was supposed to have that 2.5 kids and a master's degree and a great house and really feel like I have things together.  But who says?!?  Where on earth did I get this idea that things were supposed to turn out that way?  I really have no idea.  It's just something I've always told myself.  Something I started telling myself at 22, when 30 seemed like it would never arrive and my biggest stresser was if the boy I liked would call me that night.  

 There are so many things in my life that I am thankful for and I can not regret one single thing I have done, because it has brought me so many blessings, mainly my husband and my daughter.  I just can't help but wonder sometimes, when I see people moving on all around me and I feel like I am just stagnant, what else I am supposed to do?  Am I supposed to just be a mom and a wife?  (Not that I take those titles lightly.)  Am I supposed to be a teacher?  Am I supposed to be a nurse or a social worker or a chef or a cake decorator?  Am I supposed to be a nanny or a maid?  Who the heck am I?  And how many other people are feeling this way?  How many other people approach 30  having no idea which direction their life is headed?  

All I know is that I'm ready to move on... I've outgrown my job.  We've outgrown our house.  I have serious baby fever!  It's just time to get the ball rolling in a new direction.  We are trying... but sometimes... on this journey into the great unknown... life can be discouraging.  Today was just one of those days.  

On a lighter note... Candace from twiggie makes has posted some questions as a little "get to know each other" session and I thought I'd take a crack at them... :-)  

Here we go...  

1. What would you call yourself if you could choose your own name?  
I really like my own name.  I know that's boring, but I can't think of one I like better.  

2. What was your worst date (as in going out on a date, not an actual calendar date...unless you have a really bad one to share)?  
I went out with this guy when I lived in NYC.  He was so awkward.  Uncomfortable conversation, kept answering his phone during dinner.  After dinner we went for a walk (we happened to be in Chinatown) and we passed an open air fish market and he said he was feeling nauseous because of the smell...  poor guy ended up throwing up all over the sidewalk.  It was just sad.  That was pretty much the end of the evening.  

3.  If you had to teach one subject in high school or college, what would it be?  
I think it would be fun to teach home-ec.  Do they still have that in school? 

4.  When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried?  
Probably sometime at work.  My students do ridiculous things sometimes and there are some coworkers that just tell stories in such a way that will make me pee my pants!  :-) 

5.  What is the kindest thing anyone has ever done for you?  
It's really difficult to think of something that was the absolute kindest thing... but I do have a story... When I was still dating my husband and we had been together for only a few months, a friend of his/ours had a birthday party.  Well, I ended up getting really sick at the party and both my husband (then boyfriend) and his friend (the one who was having the party!) took care of me.  Rhyan gave me new clothes to wear.  Andrew held back my hair as I threw up.  Oh... it was terrible... but people who can love you through that kind of thing... that's true love!  

6.  If money or skill-set was no issue, what would you love to do for a living?  
I'd love to be a pastry chef or a cake decorator.  

7.  What is one thing as an adult/parent/spouse you do that you swore you never would do?  
I swore I'd never let my kid watch TV more than 30 minutes a day or something crazy.  I am bad and I let Caroline watch WAY more TV than she should.  ooops! 

8.  If you could go back to one particular time in your life (not to live, not to change anything, just to visit) when would it be?  
I'd go back to my senior year of high school.  I remember that being a fun time.  I'd just like to see who I was then.   

9.  If your walls could talk, what would they say about you (good & bad)?  
They would say, "you need to stop wearing those maternity yoga pants, Erin!  Your kid is 3 for cryin' out loud!"

10.  If you could fix or put an end to one problem in the world what would it be?  
To find a cure/cause for Autism.  

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Things I love...


In honor of Valentine's Day tomorrow... here are some things I love... in no particular order.  :-) 

my fabulous husband

my amazing kid 

baking 

belting out songs like I'm trying out for American Idol 

my parents 

red wine 

White Christmas (the movie and when we have one) 

New York City 

My Fair Lady 

chocolate 

movie theater popcorn 

hearing my little girl sing 

laughing 

reading really good books 

sleeping 

my girlfriends 

North Carolina 

the ocean 

my cousin Erika 

being a mommy 

a clean bathroom 

organizing 

my kitties 

babies 

crock pot meals 

summer 

flip flops 

pretty snow that doesn't stick 

Christmas tree farms 

Friday nights 

relaxing on the couch and watching mindless tv 

funny movies 

all of my extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.) 

Letters to Erin  

my grandparents

old pictures 

trees 

tomato soup with a ton of saltines 

sugary cereal 

warm cookies 

beautiful architecture 

museums 

creating art 

vacation 

coffee 

alone time 

music from RENT - the original cast recording 

finding new recipes 

cheese 

Gilmore Girls 

bubble baths 

Broadway 

happy hour 

cherry blossoms 

the smell of fall 

painting 

taking pictures 

thunder storms 

the song "Someone to Watch Over Me" 

New York style pizza 

sleep overs 

foot massages 

my childhood teddy bear 

Ugly Betty 

The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade 

ferris wheels 

holding hands 
 
I'm sure there's more... something I'm leaving out... but this is just a reminder that Valentine's day isn't just about being "in" love... it's also about what you love.  So, what do you love?  

Monday, February 8, 2010

I'm baaaaaack...

Well, this has been a long hiatus I've taken from blogging, huh?  I have no good excuses.  Just life, I guess.  I'll try to catch you up, in case you don't know.  But who am I kidding, anyway? Everyone who reads this knows me, but I'll still write a synopsis of the past three months for my own enjoyment.  Come with me on this journey down memory lane. Will you?  

K... Since I've been gone, we have had a fabulous Thanksgiving and Christmas.  My little girl turned 3!  We had a crazy Chuck E Cheese birthday party and I even made a Buzz Lightyear cake!  My sweet Rachel came home for a visit, but she's now returned to the mission field and will be in Manila for the next year.  My precious Aunt Angala had her life ended too quickly by cancer and she went home to be with Jesus.  

I have made a lot of new food and tried some new cake techniques (like my miserable attempt at making marshmallow fondant).  But what has happened that's been hard to believe... what we've gotten the most of... what has surprised us the more than anything...  is the SNOW!  

It snowed twice in December.  The first was little, nothing to write home about, really.  Then before Christmas we had over a foot, around 18 inches or so!  That never happens!  Then just last week we had two more snows... one that got us a delay and one that closed schools.  But then... the mega storm came!  SNOWpocalyps! ... SNOWmaggedon!  It's been insane!  It started Friday and snowed all day Friday, through the night and all day Saturday.  We got around 30 inches at our house.  School closed Friday and again today...  Frankly, who knows when we'll get back to school because, believe it or not, it's supposed to SNOW AGAIN tomorrow night!  "significant accumulation" is what The Weather Channel and Washington Post are telling us.  I've grown accustomed to the fact that we may never go back to school this winter and that I will just have to kiss June goodbye and start planning on celebrating Independence Day with my students. 

So... here are some pictures (just for you Erika!) of  SNOWmageddon!  I'm sure I'll have plenty of time to blog here in February, seeing as it'll probably be March before I make it back to work.  :)   

Caroline had fun in the snow! 

She attempted a snow angel!  Standing up!  

We are very lucky to live in a condo association who shovels snow like crazy and makes us awesome paths all the way to our front door!  I may complain about the fee, but it's times like these that I appreciate not "owning" a sidewalk.

She played in the path.  hehe  She couldn't even climb in the snow.  It was just too deep!  It only took about 13 minutes and 32 seconds for her to decide that hot chocolate looked a lot better than a snow path. 

Callie cat marveled at the crazy amount of snow out of our back door! She was thanking ceiling cat  all day that she is an indoor kitty! :) (That was for you Andrew!)