Fat burger today...Diet Tomorrow!

Man oh man, do I feel like a hog today!  Last night while I was randomly watching Nashville Star (don't ask me why, because I have never watched this show in my life) I saw a preview for the upcoming season of The Biggest Loser.  I love this show!  It is such an inspiration.  Every time I watch it, I feel like I need to do more and it makes me diet and exercise for maybe a week... then I stop.  Like always.  I believe the longest I have ever stayed on a diet at one time is about two or three months and the most I have ever lost during one dieting period is probably around 15-20 pounds.  Now, to most people this would be enough, but not for me.  

I have been overweight most of my life and it was just in my late teens and early 20's that I felt like I had a decent handle on things; however, my weight has always fluctuated.  The sad thing is that even at my thinnest, I was still at least 20-30 pounds overweight. It's frustrating, I tell you.  I hate it.  Right now I am resting at a weight that is 10 pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight, 17 pounds over what I was when I met Andrew, and 25 pounds over what I was at my thinnest.  It makes me cringe just typing that.  

But the ultimate question still remains... why can I never stay on a diet? Why can't I just do it?  Lose weight already.  If those people on The Biggest Loser can do it, why can't I?   Well, I'll tell you why... I like to blame!  I try to blame anyone that I can for what really boils down to my poor eating choices... First on my list is always my family for giving me the fat genes in the first place.  Then I sulk, longing to be one of those girls who can eat any ol' junk and stay thin.  (Oh, woe is me!) But nowadays my poor husband is the one who reaps most of my finger pointing, as he is always my enabler when it comes to fat food.  (There I go blaming again.) 

Yet, I know without a doubt that when it gets right down to it, I am really the only one to blame.  I know how to cook.  In fact, I pride myself on my cooking ability.  Not only do I know how to cook, but I have taught myself how to cook healthily.  I love veggies and whole grains and lean meats, and sweet Andrew and my darling Caroline will pretty much eat anything I put in front of them.  I know what I should eat and I have a variety of ways to prepare these things.  I do my best, most of the time, trying to stick to this diet and trying not to eat out.  However, I go through lulls... or binges, if you will.  During these binges I just eat JUNK!  I eat any and every kind of junk that I can.  Chocolate, burgers, chips, cheese... these are the main tempters.  I try my best not to buy too many of these items at the store, but it's all so easily accessible.  Even if I don't buy it at the store myself, it somehow always ends up in our house...   

Let's break it down.   First, the chocolate... I try to get my fix by the 1 point ice cream bars from Weight Watchers or the Hershey's Special Dark minis, but then there are those days where one mini will not do and I end up with a pint of Ben and Jerry's S'mores ice cream at 10pm, feeling oh so guilty as I scrape my bowl for the last bite and head to the kitchen for seconds.  Then comes the chips.  I try to stick with the Baked Scoops and salsa.  I love that snack!  It's by far one of my favorites, but then... I run out.  So, what do I eat?  Andrew's bbq Lay's or Dorito's... and then, I can't stop. I just sit on the couch during Caroline's nap, snacking away while I watch the Food Network in a daze.  perfect.  Then comes the cheese... well, there's not much I can say about it, but I love it.  I always have junky fat free crap in my fridge, but I don't make Caroline eat that stuff.  I HAVE to buy her regular cheese... and then I EAT IT!  No self control, I tell you.  Z-E-R-O!  

Then comes a night like tonight.   My hubby comes home from work wondering what's for dinner.  I was going to make breakfast for dinner, which is usually a favorite of ours, but today I just wasn't feeling it.  As I was staring blankly into the fridge, enjoying the cool breeze and feeling nothing like boring eggs and toast, a glorious thought of fat greasy burgers entered my mind.  Instead of keeping this thought to myself, I blurted it out and before I could even finish my thought, Andrew had his shoes on and was headed out the door to Five Guys.  Can you really blame the man for loving beef?  I can't.  But tonight after I devoured a cheese burger with sauteed mushrooms and A-1 sauce, along with a bucket-full of deliciously sinful grease-laden fries, I made a vow.  I vowed, as I finished my last bite and reached over to Andrew's plate to gobble up his remaining fry crumbs, that "Tomorrow I am going on a diet!"  Always tomorrow... 

And maybe tomorrow I'll also win the lottery, quit my job, build a new house with a gourmet kitchen and a gym, hire a personal chef (Elli Kreiger from FN) and a personal trainer (hopefully I can lure my favorite trainer Bob away from TBL) and ultimately lose a TON of weight.  After this incredible weight loss my story will be truly inspirational to many.  I'll then be asked to go on Oprah and The Today Show,  where producers of both networks (ABC and NBC) will begin a bidding war over who will hire me to host my own talk show...

Okay... so, maybe not.  But a girl can dream, right?  And a girl can get her butt into gear and start WW again and lose another respectable 15 pounds.  No one's perfect, right?  :-)  

All about me!

I realize that most people who read this blog know me personally, but like I said previously, I was inspired to see if I could come up with 100 interesting (hehe I doubt they will be) things about myself for your reading pleasure.  Let's see if I can do this... here we go!  I'm sorry... pictures will not accompany this blog, because after writing all this I can not dig through my pictures to find some good ones of myself.  haha    

1.  I love big cities.  This is not really news.  I visited NYC 5 or 6 times and I lived there for a year. 

2.  Living in NYC was not really all it was cracked up to be.  I admit now that I idealized that move, but I'm still glad I did it.  No regrets.   

3.  I have wanted to try out for American Idol for about five years now and I'm one birthday away from being too old.  28 is the oldest you can be to audition, just so you know. ;-)

4.  I sometimes wonder how life would have been different had I taken that job at JF after my student teaching.  

5.  I am sometimes sad that I didn't pursue teaching English, but I do not think I am going to go to the trouble of renewing my license, because frankly, I am never going to teach and have you checked out all the crap you have to go through in VA to do that?!  sheesh!  

6.  I am really itching to go back to school for my master's.  I just wish I could make up my mind about the degree I want to get... Social Work or Counseling.  hmmm 

7.  I hope that one day we will be able to find my dream house... something old and southern and beautiful... with huge windows and a front porch for the whole family!  

8.  Scout (my kitty) is the very first cat I have owned, and if truth be told, the very first cat I have actually loved.  aww 

9.  I really want a dog.  Lately I've been obsessed with Greyhounds. 

10.  I sometimes think I'd like to be a nurse. 

11.  There are too many jobs I'd like to do... counselor, social worker, nurse, teacher (art, music or English), photographer, real estate agent, stager, professional organizer, chef, writer, journalist, actress, restaurant critic... the list could go on and on.  

12.  I really love painting rooms in my house... which is why every single one has paint on the walls.  

13.  I'm obsessed with HGTV and I hope to one day be on one of the shows.  I'm thinking that when we decide to sell our house we'll apply for Design to Sell.  

14.  I went to three schools in the 2nd grade.  

15.  I have been friends with my girls Rachel and Sara for almost 20 years.  I met both of them in 3rd grade.  How cool is that?! wow 

16.  I would love to meet Paula Deen and be friends with her.  

17.  I hope one day to have enough money (and time) to go on a trip for a month or two around Europe.  

18.  I also really want to go to Japan and China.  

19.  I love Mexican food.  I think I could eat some variation of it every single day for the rest of my life.  

20.  I can't wait to move out of Northern VA and down to NC!  woo hoo! 

21.  My mom is my best friend.  No kidding!  She rules!  

22.  My MawMaw is my biggest inspiration to date.  

23.  I love being a mom.  It is the hardest and most rewarding thing I've ever had to do.  It's a job that never quits. 

24.  I always thought I'd have four kids... have two of my own and adopt two.  I think I'd still like to do that.  We'll see how it works out.  If it's meant to be for us to adopt, it will happen.  

25.  If we do adopt, I want to adopt kids from the US, and preferably siblings who are older... school age.  I think that idea scares Andrew.  

26.  I used to love happy hour after work, but now I'd much rather pick up my kid and go home. 

27.  I sometimes feel antisocial, but I have just become a homebody and to tell you the truth, I kind of like it.  

28.  I've always felt like I needed to lose weight.  I have no recollection of being satisfied with my weight in my entire life.  That's just sad.    

29.  Weight Watchers is the only diet I've ever found that really works.  

30.  I really loved Rent when I saw it on Broadway with the original cast... AH - MAZING!  but I thought the movie was totally sucky and slightly embarrassing.  

31.  I know the words to the entire movie Annie.  Seriously, script and music.  I know it all. Yes, I'm a freak.   

32.  One of my favorite cities I've ever visited in the United States is Concord, Mass.  

33.  My favorite magazine is Real Simple.  

34.  I am so lost nowadays when it comes to pop culture.  Who is Brit dating?  How many kids do Brad and Angelina have now?  

35.  I love to sing.  I wish it was my profession.  

36.  I think I could be a vegetarian.  I like meat, but until I met Andrew I probably only ate it once a week, if that.  I'm obsessed with fruit and veggies, especially during the summer! YUM!  I have not found a vegetable I will not eat.  

37.  My kid likes veggies too... she actually likes cabbage and collard greens.  seriously.  :-)  

38.  I don't understand vegans.  If you are one, I don't mean to offend, but can I just say one thing? What is so wrong with eating cheese or drinking milk?  

39.  I am fascinated by the life of the Amish.  I watch any and every documentary on them that I can.  

40.  I do not have an addictive personality, thank God.  

41.  I do not understand how one becomes an addict, though I've seen it happen.  

42.  I am drawn to the so-called "bad kids".  

43.  I make the best meatloaf in the world.  No, seriously.  I should enter it in a contest.  It's incredible!  Thanks mom for teaching me how!  I seriously crave it!  (So much for me being a vegetarian.)  ;-)  

44.  I miss living in Lynchburg for one main reason... Yamazato's japanese food!  YUM YUM SAUCE!   mmm  Why have I never found anything like that here?  

45.  I met my husband online.  Yep.  It's true.  And neither of us are freaks.  Go figure.  ;-)  

46.  We have the same bedroom furniture that I got for a birthday present in the 7th grade.  Oh man, is it ugly!  Anyone want to give us some new furniture?!  pleeeease!  I'll be your best friend! 

47.  I still have not lost the last 10 pounds I gained with my pregnancy.  boo!  

48.  My favorite color is green.  

49.  I have wanted to remodel our kitchen since we moved into this house two years ago.  Here's what I've done... paint, put new handles on the cabinets, get a new kitchen table and a new stove and dishwasher.  There's oh so much more to do to make it ideal.  

50.  My husband is the most thoughtful person I know.  

51.  I had a planned c-section two months in advance to have Caroline.  I knew at Thanksgiving that she would be born January 10, unless she came earlier.  

52.  I am not sure I could ever have a natural birth... as in no epidural.  I think the thought is just scary.  

53.  I wish I was a more dedicated earthy person.  As in, recycling, cloth diapers, green products...etc.  

54.  I do not know how to drive stick and it makes my husband crazy.  We talk about it at least once a week.  seriously. 

55.  I have never been to Canada, but I think I'd like to go.  

56.  I have seen close to 30 Broadway plays actually on Broadway.   I was trying to count, but I couldn't come up with the exact number.  

57.  I love movie theater popcorn!  I will go see a crappy movie just to eat it.  Are you with me Mom?  

58.  There are only two foods that literally make me sick to my stomach... coconut and cocktail sauce.  weird.  

59.  I would love to live in a house on the beach one day.  

60.  I don't think I'll ever be able to retire for good.  I'm pretty sure I'll always need to have some kind of job.  

61.  I love to read, but I find it difficult reading a series because I'm always itching to read something different.  

62.  I love all kinds of movies, but here are a few of my favorites... When Harry Met Sally, The Pianist, Lean on Me, Dead Poets Society and Mr. Holland's Opus.  

63.  I am an only child.  

64.  I get great satisfaction from cleaning the bathroom.  

65.  I hate dusting.  

66.  I have never been to Chicago, but I'd love to go.  

67.  I am a serious blog stalker.  It's a bad habit, but I've gotten better with leaving comments to let people know I'm around and I'm reading.  It's easier now that I have a blog to point them to. 

68.  It has always been my dream to be a Christmas tree farmer.  

69.  Fall is my absolute favorite season!  I love everything about it.  School begins.  It smells amazing!  The color of the leaves never cease to make me stop in my tracks and thank God for showing me how beautiful this world is!  And the food is just more comforting, I can finally wear jeans and sweaters, and who can forget football!  Good times all around. 

70.  My husband has made me a Redskins fan.  I never watched football regularly until I met him and now I don't mind, especially when my delicious chili accompanies the game.  

71.  I want to go with a different color scheme in my next house... right now I have mostly reds, greens, yellows and browns.  

72.  I love sweet tea!  

73.  I am one of those really picky BBQ eaters.  I can't help it.  I was raised right.  In case you're wondering... it's vinegar based sauce and red slaw.  ;-)  

74.  I have only read through book 4 of Harry Potter, but I vow to finish them all within the next year.  We'll see if it happens.  :-) 

75.  I have always wanted to read the Bible all the way through, but I've yet to do it.  

76.  I really hate our entertainment center.  It's so ugly and Ikea.  You know what I'm talking about.  

77.  I find most electronic items frivolous and unnecessary... if it was just me, I would still have my same junky tv with the spot in it, basic cable, and only a dvd player.  

78.  I wish I could speak Spanish fluently.  

79.  I tan really quickly and I think my skin color is probably one of my favorite things about my looks.  

80.  I also really like my green eyes.  

81.  I'd love to have a son.  Having a daughter is fantastic, but I can totally picture myself with a little boy.  

82.  I love short hair and I think people who go from super long hair to really short hair should get an award!  

83.  I wish I knew more about fashion.  I don't think I'm out of style by any means, but I could definitely boost up the style factor in my wardrobe.  

84.  I have a five size range of clothes in my closet.  (not a size five... but a five size RANGE... make sense?  I do not feel the need to inform you of what exactly those sizes are.) 

85.  I really know next to nothing about sports.  

86.  I think it's sexy that my husband used to play baseball.  

87.  I am really glad I didn't go to a school with sororities.  

88.  I wish I would have learned to play the piano.  I sometimes consider taking lessons now as an adult.  I want to enroll Caroline in piano classes sometime around 4 or 5, so maybe I'll take lessons then too.  :-)  

89.  I love night time.  

90.  My favorite kinds of eggs are fried over medium.  Yep, that's with a runny yolk.  mmm mmm good! 

91.  I'm not sure I understand the point of the traditional confession to a priest in the Catholic church.  

92.  My husband went to an all boys Catholic high school.  I wonder what it would have been like to go to an all girls school.  Very catty, I'm sure.  

93.  I secretly still liked New Kids on the Block long after it was not cool to like them anymore and when I learned they were trying to make a come back recently, I was so excited!  I have actually downloaded their new song on itunes.  shut up!  

94.  I think mullets are hilarious!  

95.  I am terrible at telling jokes.  I always forget how it goes or I mess up the punch line.  It just never works.  

96.  I am obsessed with good grammar, not that you could tell from this blog.  :-)   

97.  My favorite alcoholic beverage is a margarita on the rocks with no salt and lots of lime! Speaking of alcohol, I have only drank maybe 10 times since I've had Caroline.  

98.  I am completely in love with roller coasters, but I was terrified of them when I was a kid and I have a vivid memory of crying while I was going up the hill on the Loch Ness monster coaster at Busch Garden's with my dad.  Going up the first hill of a roller coaster is still my least favorite part of the ride. 

99.  My child is named after two states... Caroline (After NC) Virginia 

100.  And... finally... You are awesome and a dedicated blog reader if you got through this entire thing.  I'm impressed.  Now... I want you to do the same... tell me a few things about yourself.  :-)  

The sun is not fun when it's almost 100!

The end of this week was spent mostly inside.  We went to the pool only one day and the sun was beating down on us.  This is fine if I'm trying to work on my tan, but with my girl there it's not quite as easy.  This is mainly because she refuses to wear a hat and she will not sit in her awesome float with a sunshade for more than a few minutes.  sigh.  So, needless to say our pool days are few and far between.  

Anyway, while we were inside this week, we found some fun things to do.  On Wednesday I went to Michael's to buy some more things for my new jewelry making obsession.  (So far I've made six or seven pairs of earrings.  They're not too amazing, but it's still fun.  :-))  Here are a few of my first experiments.  

So, as we're walking around the store, I thought of an idea I saw last summer.  Caroline is starting to really get into arts and crafts, but coloring isn't really something that we had tried.  I had read that I could make my own toddler friendly crayons in mini muffin tins.  So, I went to the crayola isle of the store and bought a few boxes of crayons and this is what I made! 

I think they turned out SO great!   

She colored a little bit, but she mostly liked taking all of the crayons out of the box and examining them.  She's so serious sometimes.  :-)  

Yesterday, we built Caroline's very first fort!  She LOVED it!  What kid doesn't like a fort?  I still love it!  She had fun crawling through it and reading... 

Even Scout (our kitty) got in on the action... she was the guard cat!  

That is... until Caroline tore it down.  :-)  

Scout was not pleased!  

So, all in all, it was a fun week.  Nothing too exciting, but I love the small things that make Caroline happy!  

Be on the look out for a new blog posting that was inspired by my bloggy friend Kelly.  I want to  follow suit and see if I can write 100 things about me.  We'll see if I'm up for the challenge.  

chipped tooth and sing star... what a way to start the week!

We experienced a first today. My sweet girl had to go to the dentist for the first time at only 18 months old. 

Yesterday, she was playing in the living room and she tripped over a toy and fell face first into another toy on the floor. She screamed! I picked her up to console her and saw little drops of blood coming from her mouth. Talk about a freak out moment for Mom!  (First of many, I know.)  I opened her mouth to examine and I saw her gums bleeding and that one of her top front teeth was chipped. sigh. I felt terrible and frankly, I didn't have a clue what to do. 

(Can you see the chip?  It's the top right tooth.  boo!)  

I called Andrew and he tried his best to calm me down, and then he told me to call her doctor. I called and they told me to call the dentist. What dentist?! sigh. We didn't even have Caroline on our dental insurance yet. Who would have thought that our child under two would have to go to the dentist? So... I called Andrew again and he tracked down a few pediatric dentists and I went to one of them this morning. 

I tell you, my little girl was an angel! She did not cry. She let the dentist (who was GREAT, by the way) look in her mouth and even take an x-ray of her teeth. Luckily, they didn't have to do anything else, because the chip was not too deep. Thank God! We have to go back in two months for a follow up. (Thank Heaven for the health savings account. whew!) 

Caroline was a total champ! You would have thought she had done this a hundred times before. She left the dentist's office like a big girl, with all of her prizes in tow... a green star necklace, a "Super Patient" sticker and an orange balloon! perfect. :-)

In other Heyerdahl news, we got a new game for the PS3.  Now, normally I could care less. Truly.  I have never been into video games.  EVER.  So, Andrew is quite the lucky man that I indulge him in his Wii, PS3, and Nintendo DS.  :-)  So... as he is always the pleaser, (not to mention that he is always itching to buy something at Best Buy) he got a game last night just for me!  Sing Star! Well, let me tell you... we had a total blast singing everything from Britney Spears to David Bowie to Amy Weinstein to REM.  And guess what ladies, they have Spice Girls!  haha  YES!  

Man oh man!  

Here's my hot rock star husband singing some David Bowie!  Look at that face!  SEXY!

Too bad his wife kicked his butt!!! Look at that dedication! 

Yes, I think we can see who the true diva in the family is.  ;-) 

Sing Star is a blast from the past karaoke (how the heck do you spell that word?!) game and it rules!  I CAN NOT WAIT to play it with my ladies!  Hurry to come visit and we will sing our butts off!  wah hoo!!  

The Night of the Opossum

It's hard to think of a post that is worthy to follow the one I wrote previously.  But I know that life must still continue... it always does.  

I thought, since my last two entries have been so deep, that I would let you all read something a little more light-hearted.  As many of you know, my grandmother (MawMaw) wrote me letters when I was a baby.  I did not receive these letters until after she died six years ago, but they were well worth the wait.  They are beautiful and such a treasure to me!  I thought I would share one of my favorites that always makes me laugh and I thought it perfectly fitting for this blisteringly hot summer day.  It's actually an essay she wrote that she wanted to include in her letters to me.   Enjoy!  :-)  

The Night of the Opossum

by Anne Tarlton

The beginning of summer packs a wallop in North Carolina.  Just when you're beginning to feel really comfortable in the mild caressing spring weather -- bam!  Summer's sitting on your chest and you can't breath for the heat and humidity.  

That's the way it hit our family last June -- unprepared.  No air conditioner, fan wouldn't work -- just the confounded heat, squatting right on top of us.  Jim and I and the kids were trying to forget our discomforts by watching TV in the dark.  It's just an illusion that darkness is cooler than light, but we were in the mood for self-hypnosis.  Besides, we were sitting around in the living room in varying stages of nudity with all the windows open and shades up.  If the lights had been on, we could have charged admission to see the show.  I had on last year's baby doll pajamas, complete with a split up the back, Jim was in shorts (outside type) and nothing else, and the three kids wore either underwear or cutoff pajamas. 

We were sitting there partially mesmerized by the summer reruns, when suddenly we heard Willie, the next door neighbor, calling from the sidewalk.  "Hey James, did you know you had a possum sitting on your front lawn?" 

All five of us spewed out the front door like the cereal shot from guns.  

"Quick!  Get the baseball bat!" shouted Jim. 

"I have the broom!" I cried. 

"How about a rake?" queried Dougie.

"Let me show it to my baby doll," lisped Patty. 

"Wait for me!" drawled Tim.  (He was going through a slow motion stage of development which antagonizes fathers and throws mothers into fits of gibbering and babbling.)

"There he goes, down toward the trash cans at the church!" shouted Willie, captain of the hunt.  His wife Joyce was hard put to keep up, with the baby slung over one hip and the gravel of the driveway cutting into her bare feet.  

Helter skelter the crazy procession ran, down the sidewalk and around the garbage cans at the side of the church. 

"Get around on that side," urged Jim, as he deployed the troops to surround the enemy.  

"Too late, Daddy, there he goes!" hollered Tim.  And sure enough, the little rascal had scooted across the lawn and was high tailing it for the big pin oak tree at the border of the churchyard and our back lot.  

"Somebody go back and get a flashlight so we can find him," Jim ordered, and Dougie rushed into the house and, wonder of wonders, rushed right back out with the flashlight. (Usually we can't ever find anything that quickly.) 

There he was, on a limb at least fifty feet above our heads, staring at us with black beady eyes over a long pointed nose.  Possums aren't renowned for their strong intellect, but this one had already received the message that he was supposed to do what all self respecting opossums do when in danger -- play possum.  He sat, not moving, on the high limb. 

From across the street the Smiths, who had been sitting on their porch, shouted, "Did you get him, James?"  It seemed that the whole neighborhood had been apprised of our safari.  

"No, not yet," replied Jim, "but if we throw some of those old red dirt clods we might dislodge him." 

Everybody grabbed a supply of dirt clods and began throwing into the tree, almost straight up. 

"Cut it out, Dougie!  You hit me on the head with that one!" wailed Patty.

There we stood, tossing dirt clods up into the tree, when a voice came from a car which had stopped nearby.  

"Everything all right around here?"  That was the policeman who rode around the residential districts to make sure burglars or other criminals weren't at work.  

"Oh, uh, yeah, everything's fine, officer," said Jim, and we all suddenly realized how stupid we were and began slinking back toward the house.  Nobody wanted to get arrested for indecent exposure.  

As we finally reached the door, Willie remarked, continuing on toward his house, "Well, at least we forgot the heat for a while."  

We did forget, I guess, or maybe it went to our heads.  

She will be missed...

Shayna Harder was my best friend in Middle School.  I will never forget the day she moved away.  I was heartbroken.  We kept in touch for many years, but as people will do, we lost touch as the years went on and we got older.  We have only seen each other a hand full of times since those middle school days and now we only talk occasionally through Myspace.  But despite that lapse in communication between the two of us, her family has always held a special place in my heart.  

I sent out an email not too long ago for people to pray for Shayna's sister, Ramey.  Mere months ago Ramey was diagnosed with a brain tumor.  And just two days ago she passed on from this earthly life to the next with her Heavenly Father.  Though I didn't know Ramey well, I know that she was a beautiful young woman who lived a life giving praise and glory to Jesus Christ.   For most of my life I knew Ramey only as Shayna's big sister and friend to my best friend Karla's sisters.  But as these days have gone on and I've read this blog  and watched this video I have come to see her as so much more.  Her life has touched so many and I can not even fathom how her family is feeling right now.  I praise Jesus for the time that Ramey spent on this earth and for the lives that she touched along the way.  I know, without a doubt, that God will use this situation to further His kingdom.  

This is a picture of Ramey (left) and her sister Shayna (right).  

Thank you all who have prayed for her and her family.  Keep praying.  If you would like to send flowers or a note to her family, the address is on the blog link above.  Please also take the time to read this beautiful article about her battle.  

As I wrote in the entry before, I have truly been blessed.  Thank you Lord for allowing me to wake up again today and be a wife, mother, daughter and friend.  May each day I spend on this Earth be one lived in your will.  

Reflecting on life at 18 months...this one's a doozy!

Today my darling daughter is 18 months old.  I can hardly believe it.  She is learning new things every single day and I am amazed.  I counted the other day and she knows over 60 words now. WOW!  That is incredible to me!  She came into this world knowing nothing and now she knows so much.  The day she was born seems like just yesterday.  I remember when we returned home as a family of three and the overwhelming fear I had that I would screw things up.  I cried and cried and thought many times "I can't do this", but thankfully my Lord reminded me that He never gives me anything that I cannot handle.  But what a huge responsibility it is to nurture her and teach her throughout her life.  I pray that I will be a good role model for her.  I pray that she will learn so many things throughout her life, and that she will ultimately learn that Jesus is her Savior and Rock.  I pray that she will lead her life guided by His hands and that when she messes up, which she will many times, that she will rely on Him to see her through.  I pray that she will learn to love others as Jesus loves us.  I pray that she will be giving and compassionate, that she will live a life of service to others, in whatever way she may see fit.  I pray that I will be able to help guide her to this place through my actions and devotion to Jesus.  But I must remember that I am human.  I will mess up.  I will not always make the best decisions in parenting, but I will always strive to do my best in raising Caroline and my (hopefully) future children.  

This age has clearly brought me a day of reflection and complete thankfulness.  I've been thinking a lot today about my family and friends.  They have all had profound effects on my life and I could not be more grateful for them and their place in making me who I am today.  I have been so blessed with the people in my life.  I just thought I'd take a minute to thank them publicly for everything they've been to me, and how they've contributed to bringing me to the place I am in my life right now.  

First of all, my mother and father... they have taught me so much.  I am so blessed to have parents who I can be so open with.  They are both fantastic in their own ways.  God bless them!  They have been there for me through everything.  They put up with my attitude problems and messy room as a preteen and my attempt at trying to figure out who I was as a teenager and into my early 20's.  They supported me through my moves to NYC and DC and they have never once told me that they were angry with me because of these decisions.  They have listened to me through laughter and tears.  They have been there for my mistakes and my triumphs and for that, I am eternally grateful!  They have allowed me to grow as my own person.  They were protective, but not overly so.  They always allowed me to make decisions and take responsibility for things.  This may not have always been exactly what I wanted when I was growing up, especially when I had chores and a job when there were so many others who did not have to do those things.  But now, I look back on the way they raised me, and I think they should be commended.  It may not have always been an easy road, and believe me, not all of the memories are rose-colored, but they taught me the number one thing that I hope to teach Caroline as she grows... and that is the importance of unconditional love.  They have given this to be my entire life and have demonstrated this act through the way they love others.  I have made many mistakes, but they are always there to love me and pick me up.  They tell me when I'm wrong and when I'm right, but sometimes they let me figure it out all on my own.  But no matter what, I know, without a doubt, that their love will always be strong.   It will never falter.  It will always be a constant in my life.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!  I only hope that I can do such an amazing job with Caroline that you both did with me! 

Secondly, I want to thank my beautiful friends who have been with me most of my life.  You know who you are.  Best friends have a different meaning when they've been around for so long.  Our relationships have grown and changed through the years, but ultimately these girls are my friends for life.  We can go months without talking or years without seeing each other, but I know that the moment we are back together, it is like we were never apart.  We all have had different accomplishments in our lives and I respect each and every one of them for who they are and who they have become.  Just thinking of these girls makes me cry.  Without a doubt, I would not be the person I am today if it wasn't for them.  They helped shape me. We helped shape each other.  We grew from little girls, to adolescents, to teenagers, to college students, to grown-ups, and we have been there through it all.  We definitely don't see each other enough, but if I had it my way, we would all live on the same street for the rest of our lives.  We'd have dinner parties and celebrations and raise our children together.  I pray every single day that my daughter will be blessed with the kind of friendships I have been so lucky to have in my life.  I meet new people all the time, and I have made many new friends throughout the years, but not a single person ever compares to this core group of friends I have had for so long.  Thank you girls for being so much to me.  Thank you for loving me and supporting me through my many ups and downs.  Thank you for being such incredible role models and helping me understand that Jesus is the ONE who will always bind us together.  You are all incredible women!  

Third, I want to acknowledge my cousin Erika.  She has grown into such a beautiful woman! She is my sister and my friend.  It is such an amazing bond that we share.  I have never had a sister, but she has well made up for that fact.  I admire her on so many levels.  Her spirit is so strong. and she is wise beyond her years.  She is an amazing daughter, sister, wife and friend.  She is one of the most honest and loving people I know.  I look forward to seeing her as a mother one day.  I love you and miss you!  I thank you so much for being the beautiful woman that you are and for loving me the way you do!  

And finally, I have to thank my husband.  He is without a doubt, the most amazing man I have ever known in my entire life.  I could not have picked a better man to spend my life with.  Our meeting was divine intervention.  It took me mere moments to realize that he is it for me.  He is the only person I can see myself growing old with and I look forward to every single day we will spend together.  He is my best friend.  He puts up with all of me, and loves me with all of his heart.  He embodies everything that I have ever known or learned about love.  He is patient with me, even when I am not.  He is kind through everything.  He listens to me and supports me, but he lets me know when I am being unreasonable.  He takes care of me when I am sick and lifts me up when I am feeling down.  He knows how to lie quietly next to me when all I need is for him to be by my side.  He makes me laugh like no one else can.  He allows me to be my own person, but is very much a part of who I am.  But most importantly, he is a wonderful father to Caroline.  Seeing him with her is such a joy to my heart.  I look forward to having more children with him and I look forward to seeing our family grow.  I cannot adequately put into words how incredibly lucky I feel to be married to him.  I never thought I would find someone who so perfectly meshed with me, but here he is and I have the privilege of seeing him every single day when I wake up and every night when I go to bed.  I praise God for him.  I love him more and more with every moment.  

My daughter, as you continue to grow, I pray that you will understand how you are loved.  I pray now, though you may not understand this love, that you feel it every single day of your life.  I trust in my Lord to protect you through your days on this earth and guide you to live a life that is filled with love and honor to Him.  Thank you, my child, for being in my life.  I love you with all of my heart!