Thursday, February 5, 2009

mental health day... sometimes it's just necessary

Everyone needs a mental health day every now and then.  Today was my day.  

Everything just kind of hit me this morning and I got so overwhelmed... talking in circles about our house and our mortgage and wanting to move.  That's mostly what it's about.  

I can't even handle it anymore.  This is the most frustrating time in history to be a home owner.  It's just not fair how honest, hard-working people like Andrew and I are in this position.  We pay our bills on time.  We are never late.  We have great credit.  And our salaries should be more than enough to get by comfortably.  Yet, our stupid mortgage is so high, it's all we think about.  We bought our house as low as we could possibly find at the time.  We thought for sure the market would remain stable and continue to thrive.  We never thought, two and a half years ago, that we would be in this position right now.  We never thought that we would be stuck.  But that's exactly where we are.  Stuck.  

In the big picture, the big grand scheme of things, I know that this is only temporary.  The housing market will change.  It will move.  People will eventually start spending money again and start buying houses, but how much money do we have to lose in our high interest rates that no one wants to help us change?  It's just not fair.  When will be able to sell and even break even?  There is no answer.  No one knows.  Because everyone is scared.  So, no one is doing anything... 

I'm usually not one who thinks the government owes me something.  I work for what I get and I think it's important to do so.  But this time, I think otherwise.  I feel cheated.  Cheated by those stupid lenders who gave huge loans to people who couldn't afford it.  Those idiots who crapped out on their mortgages because they make as much as us and tried to buy a $450,000 house.  Those are the people I'm mad at.  And now, because of them, the honest people like us are the ones who suffer.  We're the ones who can't sell our house and have to fight to refinance.  It's just wrong.  It makes me want to scream!  

So, this morning all of these thoughts are running through my mind... my kids have been off the wall terrible this week.  Walking into school to face another day was more than I could handle today.  I broke down and cried.  It started at Caroline's babysitter's house when she asked me what was wrong and the tears just continued like a flood throughout the morning.  I tried to dry it up and stay at school, but the kids pushed my buttons first thing and I had to jet out of there as quickly as possible before I flew off the handle.  I'm glad I left.  I usually feel guilty for taking leave when I'm not sick or Caroline's not sick.  I feel like I let people down.  But today, it was necessary.  I got to have lunch in DC with Andrew and lay on the couch for a few hours and watch TV.  It felt good.  

Hopefully tomorrow will be better. 

Today I reminded myself that I am blessed.  I have a lovely home that keeps us warm.  I have an amazing, supportive, loving husband who would do anything for me.  I have an incredible little girl who is my world.  I have a job that is stable and helps me pay the bills.  I work with nice people who really care about others.  I have wonderful parents and in-laws who are always there to lend an ear or give advice.  I have friends and family who listen and support me in ways most people can't even imagine.  And most importantly of all, I have a loving God who has a plan for my life and is always waiting with open arms when I need Him.  When I think of all of those things, I realize how lucky I am.  

This too shall pass.    Thank God.  


Patty said...

I'm sorry that you are discouraged. Sometimes that happens. But I'm proud of you for remembering that you are so incredibly blessed. Things may not happen on our own time table, but they will happen on God's time table. He has the perfect plan for you! Keep your focus on Him! I love you so much, my precious daughter!

Anonymous said...

Dear Erin,
Satan's most powerful tactics are psychological. He can't possess our minds, but he profoundly and destructively influences our thoughts. Remember, every day of our man-contrived schedule can be a date with Christ. He'll do the driving. Sometimes God uses the winds of a new threat to blow the dust off a past miracle that has moved from our active file into the archives. Keep remembering how blessed you are!
Philippians 4:13
Love You,
Aunt Donna