Friday, September 5, 2008

School and babies...

This week has been tough on many levels.  

Tuesday was the start of school with my new junior class.  They have been fantastic.  I know it's probably just a honeymoon period, but I can at least enjoy it while it lasts.  I love these kids.  It's the only reason I do what I do.  If I didn't love it, we all know I would have walked out long ago.  I just get so proud of their little accomplishments... when they help each other out, or they remember to follow a direction that I gave them the day before, or when they can process with me about something they were so angry about previously, or when they do their homework when homework wasn't even close to being on their mind last year.  It just makes me proud.  I love to see success!  
I miss my 7th graders (now 8th graders) though.  Seeing them in the hall makes my day.  They always have something to tell me and it's adorable.  I popped by their room on the first day of school and one of my former students gave me a little present (a folder with kitties on it and a note written inside that said "happy first day of school") and then all the kids had to tell me something... "look at the picture of my new puppy", "look how long my hair is, Mrs. Heyerdahl", "how do you like your new class?", "I love your hair!", "when I graduate I'm going into the marines"... etc.  I just love them!  Starting school is never fun, because I want summer to last forever, but I'm always glad when I get there.  The days fly by and there is never a dull moment, that's for sure.  

Other than school, there has been a more personal matter that has been weighing on my mind... babies.  gasp!  :-)  Andrew and I have been going over and over whether or not we should have another.  We've been talking about it all week.  We actually just finished talking about it once again this evening.  Yesterday, if you would have asked me, I would have told you that I was ready.  Today, I have changed my mind.  
When I go with purely emotional decisions, I undoubtedly say "YES!" but when I think about it logically, I always go back to a resounding "NO!"  I've gone over it in my mind for hours on end this week.  Andrew and I have discussed it for hours every evening.  And finally tonight, I think we have decided that we need to go with logic on this one.  For one, neither of us  want to struggle.  Our budget is already tight enough as it is.  I want to be able to live comfortably. Childcare for two, plus our enormous house payment would run us dry.  
It's hard though, to make this decision.  I want another baby.  Desperately. I have baby fever.  I have loved being a mommy to Caroline and I would adore having two children so close in age.  But I know for a fact that siblings can be just as close with years apart.  My cousins Erika and James are a perfect example, and I don't expect that my children would even be as far apart as they are (6 years.)  
So... basically... what I'm trying to say... is I think... for now... we will wait.  Even though I want to be pregnant again.  Even though I want to go back to school one day and I know this will delay it.  Even though I want Caroline to have a playmate.  Even though I'm ready for two kids.  But... I know that if we wait, our children (and Andrew and I, for that matter) will have a better quality of life.  
I don't want to wait forever... and frankly, if we think about it too much we'll never be "ready" for a child on paper.  It's just a huge leap of faith.  God provided so much for our family when Caroline came along and for that I am eternally grateful!  I just don't know if I'm ready to take that leap again right now.  I am comfortable with the way things are and even though I am a risk taking junkie most of the time, I know that a little comfort every now and then can be a very good thing.  
So, for now, that's where we stand.  Just pray with us that our move to NC can happen sooner rather than later. I hope with the elections, no matter which way they go, will help boost the economy and the housing market will take a turn for the better.  That's what we need!  We'll see... it's all in God's hands for now.  

1 comment:

Rachel said...

I love babies! You guys are very smart and responsible to wait even if you don't want to. BUT when you do decide to have this next cutie sure to email me photos overseas. And then I'm first in line to hold him/her when I get back!

And Caroline Rooney Day...that is the cutest thing ever! Love you :)