Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Fat burger today...Diet Tomorrow!

Man oh man, do I feel like a hog today!  Last night while I was randomly watching Nashville Star (don't ask me why, because I have never watched this show in my life) I saw a preview for the upcoming season of The Biggest Loser.  I love this show!  It is such an inspiration.  Every time I watch it, I feel like I need to do more and it makes me diet and exercise for maybe a week... then I stop.  Like always.  I believe the longest I have ever stayed on a diet at one time is about two or three months and the most I have ever lost during one dieting period is probably around 15-20 pounds.  Now, to most people this would be enough, but not for me.  
I have been overweight most of my life and it was just in my late teens and early 20's that I felt like I had a decent handle on things; however, my weight has always fluctuated.  The sad thing is that even at my thinnest, I was still at least 20-30 pounds overweight. It's frustrating, I tell you.  I hate it.  Right now I am resting at a weight that is 10 pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight, 17 pounds over what I was when I met Andrew, and 25 pounds over what I was at my thinnest.  It makes me cringe just typing that.  
But the ultimate question still remains... why can I never stay on a diet? Why can't I just do it?  Lose weight already.  If those people on The Biggest Loser can do it, why can't I?   Well, I'll tell you why... I like to blame!  I try to blame anyone that I can for what really boils down to my poor eating choices... First on my list is always my family for giving me the fat genes in the first place.  Then I sulk, longing to be one of those girls who can eat any ol' junk and stay thin.  (Oh, woe is me!) But nowadays my poor husband is the one who reaps most of my finger pointing, as he is always my enabler when it comes to fat food.  (There I go blaming again.) 
Yet, I know without a doubt that when it gets right down to it, I am really the only one to blame.  I know how to cook.  In fact, I pride myself on my cooking ability.  Not only do I know how to cook, but I have taught myself how to cook healthily.  I love veggies and whole grains and lean meats, and sweet Andrew and my darling Caroline will pretty much eat anything I put in front of them.  I know what I should eat and I have a variety of ways to prepare these things.  I do my best, most of the time, trying to stick to this diet and trying not to eat out.  However, I go through lulls... or binges, if you will.  During these binges I just eat JUNK!  I eat any and every kind of junk that I can.  Chocolate, burgers, chips, cheese... these are the main tempters.  I try my best not to buy too many of these items at the store, but it's all so easily accessible.  Even if I don't buy it at the store myself, it somehow always ends up in our house...   
Let's break it down.   First, the chocolate... I try to get my fix by the 1 point ice cream bars from Weight Watchers or the Hershey's Special Dark minis, but then there are those days where one mini will not do and I end up with a pint of Ben and Jerry's S'mores ice cream at 10pm, feeling oh so guilty as I scrape my bowl for the last bite and head to the kitchen for seconds.  Then comes the chips.  I try to stick with the Baked Scoops and salsa.  I love that snack!  It's by far one of my favorites, but then... I run out.  So, what do I eat?  Andrew's bbq Lay's or Dorito's... and then, I can't stop. I just sit on the couch during Caroline's nap, snacking away while I watch the Food Network in a daze.  perfect.  Then comes the cheese... well, there's not much I can say about it, but I love it.  I always have junky fat free crap in my fridge, but I don't make Caroline eat that stuff.  I HAVE to buy her regular cheese... and then I EAT IT!  No self control, I tell you.  Z-E-R-O!  
Then comes a night like tonight.   My hubby comes home from work wondering what's for dinner.  I was going to make breakfast for dinner, which is usually a favorite of ours, but today I just wasn't feeling it.  As I was staring blankly into the fridge, enjoying the cool breeze and feeling nothing like boring eggs and toast, a glorious thought of fat greasy burgers entered my mind.  Instead of keeping this thought to myself, I blurted it out and before I could even finish my thought, Andrew had his shoes on and was headed out the door to Five Guys.  Can you really blame the man for loving beef?  I can't.  But tonight after I devoured a cheese burger with sauteed mushrooms and A-1 sauce, along with a bucket-full of deliciously sinful grease-laden fries, I made a vow.  I vowed, as I finished my last bite and reached over to Andrew's plate to gobble up his remaining fry crumbs, that "Tomorrow I am going on a diet!"  Always tomorrow... 
And maybe tomorrow I'll also win the lottery, quit my job, build a new house with a gourmet kitchen and a gym, hire a personal chef (Elli Kreiger from FN) and a personal trainer (hopefully I can lure my favorite trainer Bob away from TBL) and ultimately lose a TON of weight.  After this incredible weight loss my story will be truly inspirational to many.  I'll then be asked to go on Oprah and The Today Show,  where producers of both networks (ABC and NBC) will begin a bidding war over who will hire me to host my own talk show...
Okay... so, maybe not.  But a girl can dream, right?  And a girl can get her butt into gear and start WW again and lose another respectable 15 pounds.  No one's perfect, right?  :-)  


M&M said...

Giiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrlllll!!! I am right there with you (: Let's pray for each other on this one!!! (: Mary

oh amanda said...

Oh man! It's hard!!

I'm with you about the self-control. I've discovered that I do have self-control at the grocery store so I just DO NOT buy anything bad. Because when it's at my house. I EAT IT. Of course, when I eat out, that's a little harder.

Maybe a menu plan would help, too? Then you wouldn't stare blankly in teh fridge...I say this b/c the two times I did a menu plan, I loved it. I usually stare blankly in the fridge for breakfast lunch AND dinner! :)

ANYWAY. Did you know you won a book at my blog?! I forgot to email you. Email me your snail mail and I'll get it right out!

Hannah said...


I am so there with you! I am bit on the frustrated side with my weight and general health!
Have you considered eating a raw vegan diet for a week or two to help cleanse and detoxify your body? Since you love fruits and veggies, this should be relatively easy. A great site for more info is http://www.thegardendiet.com/

I hope you are doing great! I miss you and wish our girls could play together!

I learned quite a few things about you on your 100 things about you post!!!

Love you!